42

I turn 42 in 4 days.  Forty-two…it’s not a big deal, not like 30, 40 or 50….no, that one is coming.  This is 42…this is midlife, or most likely past midlife.  This is the downhill slope and hopefully a LONG downhill slope.  So this is 42….

It’s time with the love of my life, yeah that was 28 and 34 and 40 but now it’s TIME with the love of my life, and everyday it’s thanking God that I have him.

It’s being a mom to a teenage girl.  Most days it’s great; all days it’s good.  It’s laying on her bed listening to her talk about her day.  It’s watching a stupid TV show I’ve seen before, but I’ll watch again and again because it’s 30 minutes with her.  It's watching her drive off to school in the morning and then pull back up in the afternoon.  It’s also crying everytime I think of her going to college and how fast the next 3-1/2 years will go.

It’s volleyball and basketball and track and whatever else "she" chooses to do.  It’s being the supporter and coach and trying not to put too much pressure on her, even though I know I do.  It’s trying to not be that parent in the stands, but sometimes I know I am.

It’s being a daughter and worrying everyday about my aging parents.  Will this be the day I drop everything to be with them?  It's daily conversations with my mom about nothing....and everything.

It’s being a sister and wishing that I could be there with her more often, but it’s also knowing that she is right there whenever I need her.  It's seeing her be a mother and knowing that is just one more thing we have in common.  It's also getting those pictures of my niece on my phone at just the right moment.

For me, it’s being a teacher and a coach.  It’s trying to connect with that one kid who so desperately needs it.  It’s also is looking back at the ones who have gone their own way and hoping that I had something to do with their success….even if it's just one little thing.

It’s looking into the future and not worrying, but praying, that I get to see all those monumental events….weddings, births, baptisms, and so much more.  It’s also knowing that I might miss some.

It’s beers on the patio with friends on weekends, yes too many beers sometimes, but never too many friends. 

It’s attending funerals that I knew I would have to attend but I still struggle.  Then it’s the “should haves” and the promises to do better.

It's not being young enough to wear those "cute" clothes, but young enough to NOT wear "that" either.  It's, Holy crap I think that's a grey hair.  It's yes I need to workout, but I am too tired to do it.  It's I know that I shouldn't eat that, but I do it anyway.

It's realizing that everything happens for a reason, and to not sweat the small stuff.  It's what I never expected and way more than I ever dreamed of.  It is my life, and I will embrace it.