Worst Day

 September 18, 2022

Literally one of the worst days of my life...well that one and the next.

Greg and I were in the living room watching TV.  He got up and went to the bedroom, and I heard the blood pressure cuff, which was weird to me.  He took his BP in the morning, not 7:00 at night.  I asked him about it.  He said a little elevated.  I of course did not believe him so went and looked at it.  A little elevated was a huge lie.....something like 178/120 or something ridiculous like that.  We took it again in 10 minutes, it was down some.  We took it again; it was back up.  I told him we were going to the hospital, and he did not argue at all, which told me all I needed to know.

We got there, and it was still elevated.  They had him do the stroke test, and he looked at me when they left and asked what that was about.  I said, "They are making sure you aren't stroking out on me."  I sent texts and had my people there within minutes.  We needed to go to Garden.  Sam drove me; Alan followed.  The plan was to take him directly from ER to the cath lab, another scary thought.  Dr. Freund came out with pictures.  He had opened up one but couldn't get another.  We had to go somewhere.  I was asked where we wanted to go...Colorado, Wichita, and then he said KC.  I said we need to go to KC.  That's where our kids are.  He said I'll call KU Med now.

I met Greg in the room and told him we were taking a trip.  He was less than thrilled.  The kids arrived, even though I had called and told them to just turn around.  We would be in KC the next day.  Dr. Freund came back in and said air ambulance would be here at 1.  That was when I panicked.  The calmness of him before this made me think I was going to be able to transport Greg myself, foolish I know.  Most likely wishful thinking on my part.  RayLynn decided she would ride with her dad in the plane.  I headed home to pack my clothes and get our dog, who I knew was totally confused about why we didn't come home.

Ray called and said they wouldn't let her on the plane because it would be overloaded...my 110 pound kid was too heavy.  🙄That was when my next panic occurred.  I am a person who believes things happen for a reason (ex.  low pressure light on tire came on when I was on my way to Wichita so I came back and Dad was admitted to hospital that night).  I just knew Greg was going to have an issue and not make it, and that is why Ray wasn't on the plane....so she didn't have to witness losing her dad.  I was so relieved when he called me from his hospital room.  He tells me I'm crazy when I tell this story.

Then the waiting game.  He was scheduled to have triple bypass, then they said possibly quadruple.  We didn't get to have surgery until Friday, so it was a long week of taking laps around the hospital floor and sitting around.  Finally Friday came, and his surgery was a success and seemed to go faster than I thought it would.  Thankfully when I got to see him after surgery, he was already off the vent and breathing on his own.  Ray had prepared me for this.  We stayed in the hospital until Wednesday.  

I have never been so glad to make the trip across the state as I was that day with him next to me.  On the way home, it began hitting me about how lucky we were, so we started a bucket list.  My goal is to check those things off.  There are often times now that I will glance over at him and am overwhelmed with gratefulness.  I am so glad he listens to his body and knows when something is wrong.

Four weeks ago as I was at a cross country meet watching my daughter run beautifully, I got a call.  She was down, injured again.  I ran to her and held her as she sobbed.  She would have done her personal best and gotten either 2nd or 3rd.  She was devastated; my heart hurt for her.  So, we took advice from friends and went to a different therapist.  My daughter got the treatment she needed but sat out for 4 weeks.  She got cleared to start running the day after her league meet.

Today was regionals.  I walked in the door yesterday morning to find her crying because she was so nervous and worried she would not do well.  Again, my heart hurt for her.  Today she took off in her race with a bit of a smile on her face, and she looked great in the first mile, up towards the front.  She came by in the second mile with a look of pain and tears in her eyes.  I encouraged her to keep going. The last time I saw her, she was looking good again.  Then she came across the finish line in 9th place...qualifying for state.  Now it was my turn to cry.  The girl who couldn't run for 3 weeks fought through the pain and achieved her goal.

She constantly amazes me; it doesn't matter what she is doing.  She goes all in.  In the past couple of years, I've watched her set goals for herself and achieve them in many areas.  She is a natural leader, and I look at her everyday and wonder what I did to deserve an amazing daughter like her.

20/21

 2020/2021--everyone has stories from this historical time.  Ours started with a water main break that cancelled school a couple of days before Spring Break.  Greg & RayLynn headed to Lawrence to close on the house we were getting for her.  I left that Friday to go spend my time there.  Then we got the announcement that school was off for the rest of the year and that we were in lockdown.  Such a weird feeling to be limited on the places you could go.   I left Lawrence the middle of March and didn't go back until the first of May.  6 weeks without seeing my girl, and I hated it.  School was just weird.  I had kids who were logging in everyday to do their work, and I had kids who never even joined a thing.

Summer came.  I lost a friend/colleague to COVID.  Then it was time to start school again, which was a little delayed so that we could plan remote learning, in case it was needed.  The school year didn't start out awful.  Kids were pretty good about masks, and we were muddling through.  

On a Saturday evening in Septmenber, I got a phone call from my aunt, which is not normal.  I remember saying to Greg, "This can't be good."  We were at a wedding and cell phone service was sketchy, so I jumped in my Jeep and headed to better service.  My aunt told me my dad had passed away; then we were cut off.  Then my sister called; she had gotten a message from her cousin.  When I was finally able to talk and put all the pieces together, he had been taken to the hospital and refused treatment.  He then went back to the care home and died alone, which is awful to me.  Because of COVID, his wife didn't have a service, so my aunt had one in October.

Then, in November, a friend and former colleague came down with COVID, and I was getting daily texts about his condition.  Two days before we were going to Christmas break, and I was going to go spend time with Greg and RayLynn, I got a text that he had passed away.  This text came as my kids were walking in the door.  I sat in the office and ugly cried, but the amazing thing about that day was my kids.  I had hugs and got handwritten cards from several.  They saw me in full meltdown mode and rallied around me.

Fast forward to February and a close friend lost her husband suddenly.  Again, my kids saw there was something wrong and rallied. 

COVID restrictions started lifting, and we were feeling like things were going to be normal.  Then the worst thing that can happen to a teacher happened.  I heard the sirens that night and my gut told me something was very wrong.  I told my husband we needed to go for a drive, which we did but didn't find anything.  Then the texts started....a student of mine had been shot.  I went to the hospital and found a large group of kids; they were airlifting the student to Wichita.  School that next day was surreal.  We just went through the day, crying, hugging, praying. I had faith that Chris was going to make it, but I knew his life would be completely different.  On May 2, I got the text that he had died.  Again, another surreal day at school.  Kids who I had struggled with all year sobbed in my arms.  Our hearts were broken.

We ended school, and for me there was a huge sense of relief, more than normal.  I needed to be away from school.  We did a trip to Gulf Shores, Alabama---it was beautiful and just what I needed after the stress of May.  We enjoyed the summer, weekends at the lake, trips to Lawrence, hanging out around our pool.  Fall came and back to school and some sort of normal life.  So, here we are....December 31, 2021.

The last 21 months have been extraordinary for everyone.  I have experienced heartache like never before, but I've also experienced some truly happy times.  I have learned a lot in these months.  

Never take anyone for granted.

Find some joy in every day. 

Tell those you love what they mean to you.  

Live life and have fun.

    

Scariest Day

Today marks the anniversary of one of the scariest days of my life.  I did a post on it 3 years ago but never published it.  My original is below.  Three years ago I was scared that I was going to lose my husband, and every day since then I have thanked God for him and for listening to our guts and going to the hospital to get things checked out.  Today I celebrate him.

Original post:  Super Bowl Sunday....I was ready to sit back and watch Peyton Manning win it all, possibly in his last NFL game.  I had the dip in the oven, and the wings were on the grill.  It was going to be a great evening.  Then, I watched my husband and knew deep down that he just wasn't "coming down with something."  I convinced him to go to the ER.  An EKG is a small price to pay for some reassurance that everything was ok.  The deal he made with me---I couldn't tell our 16 year old, the one who knows me as well as I know myself, the one who can read my emotions with just a glance.  She knew something was wrong.
So, we went to the ER, and I heard the words, "Sir you are having a heart attack."  Plans were made; texts were sent; calls were made; friends jumped in to help me.  And, that is what this is about.  I like living in a small town.  I like going to the store and seeing people I know.  I like how our community will support our student athletes or a person in need.  What amazed me about our experience was the number of people who called, text, came by, and prayed for us.  We have a group of friends who I knew I could count on, but what I didn't know was that I had a greater number of people who offered to do what they could....bring me dinner or just something to drink to the hospital, bring what I needed from the house, take care of our daughter.  The support I felt during those 3 days were amazing.  And for that I am so grateful.

Also as a PSA....if you are not quite feeling right or feel like something could be wrong, go get it checked out.  My insistence and nagging that day paid off....even he has said that :-)

Papa

Last weekend I received a call saying my step-dad was being taken to a hospital in Wichita.  This man, since he and my mom met, has treated me like his own daughter.  I have always considered him my "other" dad.  When my father has failed me, Papa (as the grandchildren call him) has not.  It was decided that I would wait and see what the doctors said after he arrived in Wichita.

Sunday morning, Mom called and said they were doing a heart cath and stent.  He's had this before, so we decided to make a day trip to see him.....my husband said I would feel better if I saw for my own eyes that he was fine.  As we were driving, Mom called again and said that she needed me there for Monday...they were going to do bypass surgery....how many?  They didn't know, but most likely 3 with a possibility of 4.  So, I went back home and packed and got things organized.

Monday found me in Wichita with my 2 brothers, laughing and joking around and praying....lots of prayers.  Finally the surgery was over, and we were informed that he had 7 bypasses....7!  None of us had ever heard of that many.  I am amazed at how fast the body heals itself.  He was up walking 15 hours after coming out of surgery and was out of ICU on day 2 post-op.

I praise God that he knew his body well enough to have my mom take him to the ER that Saturday evening.  As I mentioned earlier, this man who I call my "other" dad has been the dad I've needed in my life, and wonderful grandpa to RayLynn.  We are extremely blessed to have him in our lives, and I couldn't have asked for a better dad.

So your PSA for today-----if you feel that something is off in your body....GO TO THE HOSPITAL.  Even if it's nothing, it's an inexpensive price to pay just to make sure.  Pay attention to your body.  If you think something is not right, get it checked out.

Heroes

Heroes...we all have them.  That one person who we look up to more than anyone else.  For most of my life, that person has been my aunt Lynn.  A lot of my childhood memories are from times when I was with her.  I spent many summers at her house along with school vacations or quick weekends.  She was an amazing person, and she had an amazing will to live.  She inspired all of us to be better than we were, and I can honestly say that I would not be the teacher I am today if it weren't for her.  Sadly, we lost her after a courageous battle in August.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and I don't expect that will ever change.

I've come to realize this past week that your hero might not be just one person.  I sat down yesterday morning to send my daughter an inspirational quote as she was traveling to regional cross country.  I closed that text with, "You are my hero."  And, it was definitely a true statement.  This young girl chose (as you might remember from my last post) to make a change and start running cross country.  She never participated in that sport before, and she did this even though she knew it meant no more Saturdays with her closest friends at volleyball tournaments.  At the age of 15, there is no way I would have gone my own way.  I would have stuck with my friends.  She knows what she wants and she set her mind to do it.  She is my hero.

As I pushed send yesterday, I realized that heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  While many of us have that one person in mind when we hear the word hero--a family member, a veteran, a friend, etc., we are really surrounded by people who show heroic qualities everyday.  It might be a hug, just when you need it most or an email thanking you for something you have done.  It could be anything.  I challenge everyone to look for that heroic quality in the people around you.

You don't become a hero because of what you do but because of who you are.

Choices

Choices...we make them every day.  Usually they are not life impacting, but sometimes they are and we don't even realize it.  

During the past few weeks I watched my daughter make one of the most difficult decisions she has had to make in her short life.  I watched her struggle and weigh the options.  I offered advice when she asked, but the most important thing I did for her was support her.  Whatever her decision, we would be behind her 100%.  Her struggle---whether to stay in volleyball or change and run cross country.  Some would not understand the difficulty she had, and 20 years from now, it may not matter at all, but when you are raising a teen-age girl who is athletic, making a decision like this is major.  She ultimately went with cross country because she knows that will help her reach her goal of running at state track.  I couldn't be prouder of her.  She has experienced success and has medaled at every meet she has run.

So back to my topic...choices.  I've also in the past few weeks witnessed people making a choice that not only affects their health negatively but also those around them.  Proof that the choices we make today can impact our lives or the lives of others tomorrow.  Because of this choice, they are missing out on the "big" things in life.

Every day I see students make choices in the classroom...some are wise and some are not.  I always try to teach my students that the choices they make today may have a consequence they don't like tomorrow.  I think some may have learned that lesson, but there are others who unfortunately "choose" to ignore the signs.  My hope is that they figure it out someday.

I guess in the end we should all follow our hearts, instincts, and that inner voice.  I've never gone wrong listening to that voice.  It has told me to turn around and go home instead of going on a trip, to apply for that job, to not head to class right on time, and the list could go on and on.  Each one of those examples, I can relate back to a moment in my life that made an impact.

Choices made, whether bad or good, follow you forever and affect everyone in their path one way or another.